To Love Deeply

My dear friends, during my recent stay at Ave Maria University, I was privileged to sit in on a philosophy class entitled "Personalism." During this particular class session, we discussed "intentio benevolentiae" (the desire for the good of the other) and "intentio unionis" (the desire for union with the other), two terms I am quite familiar with, as I recall learning about these terms during my schooling at AMU. Being the emotional creature that I am and being that this whole classroom discussion was based on love, I thoroughly enjoyed the discussion and even did my own note-taking, which satiated my own hunger for the classroom environment once again. What we learned in the classroom was that love is inseparably connected with union; it is a response to and a reception of the beauty, the gift of the other. Love requires an acknowledgement of the apparent goodness in the other and a desire to make a gift of self in return. It is a mutual self-gift, an act of mutual gratitude for each one impressing upon the other their beauty and goodness. The self is reestablished as loved, affirmed, and confirmed by the giving and receiving of the other in an act of love. Love has this overflowing character of wanting to give of oneself as a gift, and thus, the highest beatitude of love can only be achieved in union. If the beauty and goodness of the other is perceived only on one side, then the highest beatitude of love cannot be achieved.

On the notion of one-sided love, my mind kept recalling a short reflection I have called "To Love Deeply", by Henri J. M. Nouwen. The first time I read it, I was brought to tears, for it is all about the pain and beauty of heartbreak and unrequited love. In this deeply emotional reflection, Nouwen advises one to not be afraid to love deeply, for even if those whom you love die, leave, or reject you, it will break your heart, but this heartbreak will make your love ever more fruitful. As Nouwen says: "It is like a plow that breaks the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant. Every time you experience that heartache, you are faced with two choices: you can either harden our hearts and never allow ourselves to love again or you can persevere in our pain and "let the soil on which we stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds." Thus, as the ground of your heart is broken, it allows for new seeds of love to penetrate the wounded heart, so that the heart grows ever more wide and deep. One may never know what one's suffering heart does for the sake of the beloved's beatitude, but the suffering heart can be rest assured that one's own heart grows so much bigger and so much more beautiful than the first moment it decided to love. Perhaps the most beautiful line I read from this deeply felt reflection on loving deeply is this: "When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. They will become part of your self and thus gradually build a community within you." And so, when someone you love dies or does not reciprocate that love, that person never truly leaves you. That person has touched you so profoundly, so deeply that one could never possibly forget such beauty, even if so much time passes by and one forgets all the details of the beloved's presence. You don't need to remember everything or see the beloved everyday to validate your love, for it is a pure gift that is meant for you for life. It is a gift to the beloved (whether or not the beloved is aware of your heart) that you love the beloved so deeply, for your love, though it is not fully achieved in union, beatifies you and the other in an unfathomable and unexplainable way, and creates a loving bond that can never be broken no matter how much your heart continues to break. It is a bittersweet joy and privilege to be blessed with such a heart that mirrors the wounded heart of the most unrequited lover of all time...Jesus Christ.